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So I have not been active. You guys know this and I wish I had a better excuse but alas I don't.

To put it simply?


I been dealing with many things. 

I don't want pity or anything like that, I just want to let you guys have a peek into my life I suppose.


    As some of you know, I work a shitty job with shitty hours like most people of my age group. And as a result of such a job, mixed with my own disabilities, makes it stressful; to the point that whenever I'm overwhelmed I'm getting bloody noses and having a very sickly appearance. It's to the point that doctors want to keep me in the hospital because of how high my blood pressure is. I'm still going to work though, I have bills to pay and family I have to care for.


I been having thoughts about death. How easy it'd be to just pass on. How one simple action could end my life.


And you know what?


 I like those thoughts.

    It has come to a point that I lay on the railroad tracks some nights just hoping for a train to end my suffering. The same nights where I go to abandoned barns and hope that I'll fall from a beam and be impaled. Yet there are days where I can almost be happy. Where I can just get a single message from a certain person whom I care for and that alone will make my day far more tolerable.


I wish that I could be like others and have all the time in the world. With friends, family, loved ones.


I wish I could be happy.

I wish I had someone who cared.

I wish I had someone who could tell me that I matter and actually mean it.

I wish I felt important.

On March 13th, 2017 at 1:02 AM, we lost a great guy to suicide.

He was an amazing friend of mine. I've know you since 5th grade and even though you didn't know me, you saw me getting bullied and did what no one had ever done. You stood up for me. You tried to befriend me, and we been friends since. When high school came around, you became popular and I was a nobody in the school. Even then, you still made an effort to be my friend.

When I got bullied again, you stood up for me. When I got beat up and you saw the bruises, you said nothing til the next day when you had a black eye and broken rib, only to tell me that those bullies won't bother me anymore. You beat fought for me, you walked me home every day since, to make sure I was safe, even though you insisted it was because you lived in my direction but I knew that you lived a town away. You'd be protecting me.

You changed the lives of many, no matter if you knew that person or not. You tried to cheer them up, protect them, befriend them. You were always smiling, you were so happy, working for Microsoft, living your dream as a beta tester, only for it to stop so suddenly. I wish I was able to say goodbye one last time. I wish I could've seen the darkness in you. You were fighting your own war and no-one even knew.To hear you shot yourself...it's heartbreaking.

I hope wherever you are, they allow you to smoke, otherwise I'm sure you'll raise hell. I...I hope our paths cross once more. You still owe me that Mario Cart game night.
So...I'm alive...well kinda. So I've been dead for awhile, I know. Trust me if I could be more active I would. I been doing this whole adulting bullshit and it is literally draining me like crazy. Between learning what even taxes and medical care is, and having a full work schedule of 8+ hour shifts...

To say the least, I have a lot on my plate for a teenager.

I'll try to post when I can ;-;
  • Drinking: my tears
Yeah i been away ;-;
work is not good for art
So I'll be on hiatus
I'm sorry
  • Drinking: coffee
Yup..Still dead, sorry you guys. I'll be headed to the emergency room tomorrow to see what they say about this sickness so ye
  • Drinking: coffee
So it has come to my attention that I'm actually able to post wordy stuffs at deviations...like a smart person I didn't realize this sooooooo prepare for a wee bit of spam in the upcoming times.


I'm sorry
  • Drinking: coffee
So I've desided to do two things! Thing #1 is this: www.fictionpress.com/s/3276255…
That right there kiddies is the link to the story I been talking about, on the site KonaiandEvny originally posted it to for me.
"But Kat! I can't go on that site!" You might say, so here's thing #2:
I will be posting the chapters up on here in these Journal thingys so you kittens don't have too much of a struggle!
So be prepared for slight spam as I, the magnificent Kat, post the chapters. And yes, I am just copying them to here so no worries on missing out. Well, maybe slight modifications as I noticed some stuff is misspelled -_-"

Any questions, comments, concerns, etc?
  • Listening to: Pandora
  • Eating: souls
  • Drinking: Coffee
As some of you might have noticed, my characters are called Egos. They are part of a story I might put up on here with the agreement of my editor KonaiandEvny of course. She has been pretty helpful when it comes to making my writing as wonderful as it is. :D

I know some of you might be wanting a slight taste of what our (Kon and I) writing is like with these characters.
www.fictionpress.com/s/3281691…
This is a small bit written between (but mostly heavily editted) by KonaiandEvny and I. It give you a basic idea of how the main characters I draw, Katar, Leo, and Kram, pretty much act.
  • Listening to: Pandora
  • Eating: souls
  • Drinking: Coffee